So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
