just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Randomize
