I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
