What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
