She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
