I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
