i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Randomize