my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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