playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
