So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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