So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
