I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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