I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
