Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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