i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
