i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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