I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize