after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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