I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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