I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
