Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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