none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
two words: eviction party
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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