the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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