Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
