Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
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