Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
