dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
