The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
