I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I just gargled with NyQuil
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
