pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
