i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
