vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
