Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Randomize
