He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
