I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
