I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
