This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
