Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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