I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
