two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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