I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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