dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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