i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
