...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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