lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Randomize
