I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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