If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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