Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
