dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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