Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
