guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
