They should really pass out barf bags in church
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Randomize
