we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
