how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
