well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
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