So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize