nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
