Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize