420 ftw
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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