can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
