Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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